How do we survive (and maybe even thrive) during the in-between?

The more life you have lived, the more you understand that there are going to be a lottt of in-between periods. Defined as, "situated somewhere between two extremes or recognized categories; intermediate."

Sitting here -- living in the in-between right now -- I can tell you it is not a comfortable feeling.

My mind is constantly racing trying to find something that it can do to control the situation; going through every possible outcome and what I would do in each of them.

It is kind of scary to think that most of the time you have no control of what is going to happen. We are in constant motion and that comes with a lot of different variables. In a recent conversation with a friend about the in-between he said,

"it does make it harder to surrender control when it's not something i can actually affect"

YES. We will torture ourselves during this phase knowing that we have very little control, if at all, on what is going to happen. When should we switch from preparing and considering everything to surrendering to what will happen; releasing expectations?

It is so much harder than it sounds. I don't know if there will ever come a time where, getting a little uncomfy during the in-between, goes away (please please tell me if I am wrong). So, how can we survive this period..and maybe, just maybe start to thrive during the in-between.

I am still a work in progress, but here are a few things that have helped me along my journey:

Recognize you are in the in-between

A crucial first step to gaining back some of your sanity during this time. You will most likely have racing thoughts. You may feel unsure of yourself and the direction you are taking. You may be questioning everything. The clarity of understanding why you are feeling this way can be freeing.

Sit with your feelings

This may be the most uncomfortable part, but I find it paramount to work my way out of fight or flight. It helps me stabilize my emotions and see more clearly. The main takeaway here is - when sitting with your feelings, you are not trying to fix anything or answer any questions - you view them from a distance. Let them wash in and wash out without any attachment.

Consider all of the hard work that got you to this point

You may not feel your most confident during the in-between - know that this is totally normal. You may feel like you are not accomplishing anything during this time, while you may be watching those in your community achieving. This is the time to reflect and remember everything you have already achieved, conquered, and accomplished. Everybody and everything has its own timing. It may be hard to sit with this because you will most likely be seeking external validation during this time, grasping for something..anything to make you feel seen.

List out everything else that could use your attention

Now it is time to trick your brain a bit. There are most likely other items that could use your attention. Take a moment to write down what else is going on in your life. What are the things you want to do for yourself? This will help refocus on what is going on in your world vs. comparing yourself to everybody else's perfectly curated social media feed. Now go do those things.

Keep showing up

One step in front of the other. One day at a time. One moment at a time. Just keep showing up. Not for anybody else, but for YOU. Instead of spending too much time worrying, stressing, curled up in a ball - especially when there is very little you can do to change the trajectory of something - reflect, refocus, keep moving forward. Trust. I truly believe that life happens for us and not to us, even when things are hard and uncomfortable. Don't get stuck in your own way. Let things be. Easier said than done (I know), but the more we practice this, the more we will witness the power it has.

Have fun

Probably the most important - don't forget to have fun! We get so caught up in the worrying and thinking that we forget to enjoy the right now.

To all those currently in the in-between. I see you. We got this. Who knows, the other side may be even better than we could imagine.

-Kristina

How can we be more like The Empress?

Specifically, the empress relaxing in the nine of pentacles (photo above). Even if this is your first time seeing a tarot card, you can agree the visual embodies serenity, a certain type of poise that can be viewed as appreciative.

The meaning behind the card states, "Look at all that I have manifested and created!"*

Now what do I mean, "How can we be more like The Empress?". For me, it is a reminder to pause in the midst of the day to day. To take a moment to remind yourself how far you have come. I recently realized that I am currently living the life I have been working towards. What a realization..I was so caught up in the "what's next" mindset that I didn't even recognize that I was actually living the life I dreamed of living. I AM IN IT RIGHT NOW.

The journey always feels longer than you want it to be, so by the time you get 'there' you are already looking to the next thing. My mind is always checking off a to-do list, taking count of how everybody around me is doing, is there anything I can do to be helpful, am I doing enough, am I enough...

I am currently living one of my 'simple days', as I like to call them. I didn't set any expectations for the day or what I wanted to achieve besides making my coffee and sitting in the garden. These are the days I yearn for when I am sitting at my desk for most of the day, in and out of meetings.

Even still, as soon as I sit to relax with my cup of coffee outside, that inner voice whispers, "is this all you are going to do today?"

It is easy for that inner voice to hit a nerve because there is always something to be done.

Now, the difference between today and maybe a few months ago, I know just how important these days are. Days like this touch every other day in the year. Simply by giving you the opportunity to do or be however you want, with no expectations. It gives you the room to pause and reflect and look forward. It gives you the time to check in with yourself to see how YOU are doing.

My 'simple days' look different each time. Sometimes it is like hitting a wall and I realize how much I need to do nothing. Sometimes, by providing myself with "mind space", I spend the day writing down all of the ideas that must have been simmering in the background. These days could be filled with doing something creative to not using my brain at all and just simply being.

It is an interesting exercise to see how you end up spending your time. It may surprise you on what calls out to you. Today, I ended up getting inspired to write this newsletter...with no expectations.

with a little help from my reMarkable notebook that helps me to disconnect and just write

How can we be more like The Empress? I am currently working on that, but I do know it starts with giving yourself the time and space to pause, to remember, to reflect on how far you have come.

You may be IN IT right now and not even realize it.

Now back to sipping my coffee in the garden. Until next week.

*Excerpt from "How to Read Tarot. A Modern Guide" by Jessica Wiggan

How can we be faced with fear and do the damn thing anyway?

First off, thank you to those that have subscribed to my newsletter. It is humbling to see people from all different parts of my life gathered here. To have the initial support while I work to face my own fears means a lot to me.

I thought it would be helpful to share a little bit more about myself. I have been on this life journey for 40 years now and hope to provide you with a bit of inspiration by sharing my own thoughts, learnings and insights.

How it all began

My life started with a variety of athletics, which I am very grateful for. From all forms of dance, soccer and 10 years as a gymnast. I believe this was the start of being afraid of something, being faced by fear, and doing the damn thing anyway.

Sometimes it did take a coach screaming at me a bit to 'go for it'. This ended up showing me that having the right people in your corner can be a super power. The ones that want the best for you, believe in you - so when they are "screaming" at you, you can trust.

This is more or less mixed with tuning into your intuition, which you will notice is almost always tied to doing the damn thing (or not).

I feel very lucky to have had the experiences I had in my childhood, but also know that there were some major bumps along the way that I had to face at a very young age. This shaped me in ways that I didn't even understand until I started to talk to someone that could help me put the pieces together.

Making big decisions

I started my postsecondary education journey at a community college because, to be honest, I had no idea what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Also, the thought of trying to figure that out, while away from home, just put way too much pressure on me. It really ended up being one of the best decisions I made for myself, and yet again I am faced with listening to that handy intuition of mine (without yet realizing that was what I was doing).

I learned very quickly that I preferred smaller classrooms where I could really get to know my classmates and instructors. It gave me the time and the s p a c e to figure out what was calling to me. I ended up selecting a graphic design major. I loved how creative I could be in this space and it came with the most interesting electives, like getting the chance to learn about my love for photography.

When it came time, I narrowed my 4-year college search to what appealed to me at community college. I landed at La Salle University with a scholarship and happily moved into an apartment with two others that transferred the semester before. Because of the small classes, I quickly realized I loved to be creative but maybe not 100% in the digital arts field.

When faced with - if you change your major now, you will have to go to school longer - it really made me pause, but I will never forget what my mom told me when we discussed it..."go for what your heart is telling you, don't just finish because that is where you started".

I joined the business school the next semester with a focus on marketing. This moment will go down as one of the most pivotal moments in my career/life journey. I ended up going to college for 5 years with one summer completely dedicated to school and two semesters with extra classes. Wow. Once I found a space that felt like home for me, things became so much easier..taking summer classes was not as painful as it sounded. The professors that I was able to form relationships with changed my life.

I will end this little Kristina 101 here as the next phase of my life started dark but ended up providing me with so much light. More to come..

Facing my own fears

Do you know how long I have been wanting to write a newsletter before I finally decided to write said newsletter? Realistically, at least for the past year. In my subconscious, since newsletters came into existence.

What makes my thoughts so interesting that others would want to read them?

The thing is, everybody has their own unique story and we shouldn't be afraid to share it.

Even if it only ends up resonating with one person, that is one person that really needed to hear your story. I will leave you with this book recommendation as we continue on our path of looking fear in the face and still doing the damn thing:

The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield

See you next week.

Is Imposter Syndrome here to stay?

Have you ever believed that you would get to a certain point and suddenly be so sure of yourself that self doubt would just go away? That imposter syndrome would become a foreign feeling?

As I sit here and write this, I would love for that to be true. Even in the simple fact that I am putting my words out there gives me tremendous feelings of self doubt.

I have reached many new levels in my life and career. Each time imposter syndrome comes knocking like I have no right to have reached this point. Like I didn't just work my booty off to get to this point.

That uncomfortable feeling of doing something new. It could be a new chapter in your life - like buying your first home - or a change in your career - like a promotion at work.

One thing that holds true, even though it is very uncomfortable, each time I have been faced with imposter syndrome it is a telling sign that..

...you are on the right path.

It is an opportunity to remind yourself how far you have come.

A chance to check-in with yourself and understand the emotions better.

What is your intuition screaming at you?

I can tell you from experience that when you are feeling this way all it is telling you is that you are g r o w i n g, stepping out of your comfort zone, going for what you want, trying something new..

I dare you to stare imposter syndrome in the face and say "thank you" "I see you" "now I am going to kick some a**"